Again I’ve been asked why we didn’t adopt from the United States, supporting and taking in the orphans of our own country.
Like a person’s religion, political side, and educational preference for their children, this can be a loaded question. Answers to these questions tend to leave the asker taking up a defensive stand. I do not answer to put people on the defensive, and their shifting to that position carries a large and uncomfortable lack of propriety – so in general, I state that we are a mixed nationality family, and that we simply chose to return to Mr. Perfect’s native Poland.
I share this because people making this decision frequently want all sorts of information and thoughts from those who have gone before. All adoption situations have their pros and cons. There is no perfect situation, and no situation that does not carry a certain amount of risk. Our goal was to limit the number and duration of the risks involved for our case.
Private Domestic Adoption –
We wanted an older child, and not many older children are adopted privately. The wait would have been much too long.
The risk of a birth parent changing his/her mind – too emotionally risky.
The risk of a birth parent/birth family making contact requests – life long risk.
The risk of a birth parent/birth family showing up in the future – life long risk.
The risk of the child/ren feeling torn and seeking their birthparents – life long risk.
Foster to Adopt –
This was not an option for us, as we are Christians who are commanded to not become unequally yoked to non-believers. A child coming through the state would have a government appointed case worker, and the monetary and medical benefits come with state-regulations. Sin and risk until the child/ren is/are 18 years old. No way.
International Adoption –
This varies by country. For us Poland was easy, as it is a Catholic country and while we are not Catholic, they are – at least – believers. The risk of birth parents/family making contact or requests are slim to none, as is the risk of them finding us and showing up at our door. The risk of the child’s feeling torn and questioning a search is almost a moot point, as International Private Investigators are not exactly a dime a dozen.
Now – are there many, many private domestic adoptions that go off without a hitch? Absolutely! Are there many people blessed by private adoption? Sure! It was just not for US.
So many Christians are support the foster system! Yes, I know quite a few of them! I have even gone underground to help them in desperate situations against evil principalities. However – the government has enough control of our life – they don’t need more. I have enough to do during my day than to play nice with a case worker for whom I’m simply a file just because she needs a visit, and I can not reconcile the fact that the bible commands me to not be unequally yoked. If it’s working for you and you are blessed, GREAT! But it’s not for US.
No, we didn’t adopt domestically. If international bothers you, then don’t do it – very simple. If you have it in you to go private or deal with CPS, then go for it and the best to you and your family. It was in the best interest of OUR family for us to go to Poland. We have two amazing sons, and they have a Polish family and a fabulous father who share their native country and tongue.
Win-win for our family, all 6 of us.